You Were Never Meant to Carry It All
At some point in early life—quietly, subtly—I picked up a belief. It wasn’t taught directly, not with words, but it was there all the same:
"Love is conditional."
Not just “be good,” but be perfect. Don’t upset anyone. Don’t make mistakes. Don’t be the cause of trouble. And if you are?
Well then, love might be withdrawn. Safety might vanish. You could be left alone.
And so a deep fear settled in the body. A fear not of life itself, but of being the one who got it wrong.
Even as the years passed, that thread stayed; woven into care, masked as responsibility. When someone asked for help, I said yes. When things went wrong, I scanned for what I could’ve done differently. Not to fix the moment, but to stop the crushing feeling of being “at fault.”
It’s subtle, isn’t it? This fear isn’t always loud. It’s not dramatic. It just hums beneath the surface, whispering that you must hold it all together
in order to stay loved.
But here’s what’s true; what I’ve come to see, again and again:
You are not the author of outcomes.
You never were.
You are not here to be perfect.
You are not here to carry the weight of the world, or anyone else’s reactions.
You are the breath through which life moves.
You are the hands of care, but not the maker of results.
And even when mistakes happen (and they will) that doesn’t make you unlovable. That doesn’t make you bad. That doesn’t make you to blame.
Even the part of you that fears blame, even that is welcome. Even that is loved.
There’s no punishment waiting. Only the quiet arms of a world that holds you just as you are.
So let the care stay, it’s beautiful.
But let the burden fall.
You were never meant to carry it.
Practical exercise
When that feeling of possible blame or fault arises, you can meet it with love, tell it something like this:
Ah, there you are, old friend.
The part that thinks it has to get everything right to be worthy of rest or love.
You can be here too.
You don’t need to carry it all anymore.
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