Letting Go: A Step Toward Enlightenment or a Natural Byproduct?

This week, I found myself face-to-face with some deep attachments in my relationship—old fears, subtle clinging, and the kind of contractions that make you realize just how tightly you’re holding on. It’s uncomfortable, but also revealing. As I sat with these feelings, I started contemplating the nature of relationships, attachment, and what it really means to let go. 

Is letting go something we have to actively work toward, or does it happen naturally as we awaken? That question led me to write this post, exploring the paradox of attachment and freedom from a Buddhist and non-dual perspective.

Letting go is one of the hardest things we face on the spiritual path, especially when it comes to relationships. Whether it’s the end of a partnership, a deep longing for someone, or just the fear of being alone, attachment can feel impossible to release.

But from a Buddhist and non-dual perspective, is letting go something we need to actively work on, or does it happen naturally as we awaken? The answer, paradoxically, is both.

Why Is Letting Go So Hard?

If you’ve ever struggled with moving on from a relationship, you know how deeply attachment can take hold. It’s not just about missing someone—it can feel like a part of you is missing. From a spiritual perspective, this struggle comes down to a few key things:

1. The Illusion of Separation

Non-duality teaches that everything is one, but our minds create the illusion of separateness. We believe our happiness depends on something outside ourselves; whether that’s a person, a situation, or even an idea of how life should be.

2. Ego and Identity

We don’t just love people, we build our sense of self around them. A relationship can become part of our identity, so when it ends, it’s not just loss; it feels like we are unraveling. The ego fights this dissolution because it fears its own impermanence.

3. Craving and Clinging

In Buddhism, suffering arises from craving and clinging. We hold onto relationships, hoping they’ll bring us lasting happiness. But everything in life is impermanent, so clinging always leads to suffering.

4. Past Conditioning

Sometimes, attachment is so deep because it’s tied to past wounds and emotional conditioning. If a relationship filled a gap in our lives; whether that’s love, validation, or security—letting go can feel like reopening an old wound.

5. Fear of Emptiness

The hardest part of letting go isn’t just the loss, it’s facing what’s left behind. Emptiness is not something to fear, but from the perspective of attachment, it can feel like loneliness or meaninglessness.

Is Letting Go Necessary for Enlightenment?

Yes, As a Practice

If you’re on a spiritual path, practicing detachment is essential.

The Buddha’s Four Noble Truths teach that attachment is a cause of suffering, and the way out is to let go.

Mindfulness and meditation help us observe our attachments rather than be consumed by them.

Contemplating impermanence reminds us that nothing—relationships, emotions, or even our own identity—lasts forever.

Letting go, in this sense, is a necessary practice.

But Also, It’s a Byproduct of Awakening

At the same time, from a deeper non-dual perspective, enlightenment isn’t about trying to let go. Letting go happens naturally when we see reality clearly.

No One to Let Go – If there is no separate “self,” who is holding on? Who suffers? When we deeply realize this, attachment dissolves on its own.

Resting in Awareness – When we stop identifying with the mind’s stories and rest in awareness itself, attachment loses its grip effortlessly.

This means that once awakening happens, letting go is no longer something you have to do—it simply happens because there is no longer a “you” that clings.

So How Do We Let Go?

If you’re struggling with attachment, whether to a person, a relationship, or anything else, here are a few things that have helped me:

Witness the Attachment – Instead of forcing yourself to let go, just observe. Notice the emotions, the thoughts, and ask: Who is clinging?

Contemplate Impermanence – Everything in life is always changing, including you. Clinging to something impermanent only creates suffering.

Shift into Awareness – The deeper truth is that love is not something you get from another person—it is your natural state when you stop clinging.

The Paradox of Letting Go

Letting go is both a path and a consequence. At first, it requires effort. But as awakening deepens, letting go is no longer something to work on; it’s simply what happens when you realize there was never anything to hold onto in the first place.

And when that happens, love itself doesn’t disappear. It just stops being tied to any one thing, person, or outcome. Instead, it becomes the space in which everything arises and dissolves.

And that, I think, is the real freedom we’re looking for.